There has always been some confusion when it comes to dating advice about what constitutes a
friends with benefits relationship. They are different from a
no strings attached (or NSA) relationship purely because of the ‘friends’ aspect of it.
No strings attached goes beyond the idea of not having romantic strings to a purely physical relationship whereas friends with benefits relationships can often go beyond that stark stereotyping to a long term and lasting platonic yet
sexual relationship.
Friends with benefits takes a lot more work than a no strings attached relationship if you want to keep the friendship healthy. If this isn’t your concern, then it takes a lot less work, but we are going to assume that the people reading this article are interested in a true friends with benefits relationship. There are a few things that you need to keep in mind before even starting off on this venture because unlike a NSA relationship,
your friend in this endeavour is either important to you from the very beginning and someone who you would like to maintain contact with. Otherwise, as a new friend it is someone whom you are interested in maintaining a friendship with outside of the bedroom. So before even considering embarking on a friends with benefit relationship, please keep the following in mind.
1. Not everyone is able to have a friends with benefit relationship. Just like wife swapping or open marriages, not everyone is built to let go of their possessive tendencies when it comes to sex and relationships. Take a good look at yourself when you’re considering this and if you’re not the type of person who can stop themselves from getting jealous then consider another type of relationship. Going into a friends with benefit relationship with jealousy guarantees that you will break the friendship between you and your partner. You need to be able to relax and remember that outside the bedroom, you are nothing more than friends and as such, outside the bedroom you have little to no power over their decisions.
2. Sometimes it can be hard to get the spark between friends. Even if you’ve talked about it and it seems like a good idea for the both of you, it can be hard to flip that switch in your brain from friends to lovers. Don’t get frustrated if this happens for while it may mean that you and your partner are incompatible, it is more likely that the two of you just need to find the right type of mood. This is particularly true when it comes to long term friendships.
3. To have a healthy friends with benefits relationship, you have to have an understanding of how much time is going to be spent in bed versus out of it. You need to figure out what you want from this friends with benefit relationship right from the very beginning in terms of emotional attachment. Do you want to travel, go shopping, watch movies? Activities as friends are as important as bedroom antics in a friends with benefits relationship.
4. Be open and communicative with your friend. It’s natural to want to show your best side to someone whom you’ve been sleeping with, but remember that this is a friend and beyond that, someone that you want to be able to be yourself around. Your comfort level is important in a friends with benefits relationship and if you can’t be comfortable around your friend then it’s not in your best interest to go forward with a sexual relationship. Friends with benefits relationships should be relaxed and fun rather than stressful and full of images that need to be maintained.
5. Know when to pull out. Everything has its end and a friends with benefits relationship is no different. When the fun starts to fade or you begin to feel uneasy, it’s time to let go of the time you’ve had with your friend with fond memories. Knowing when to let go of the sexual side of your friends with benefits relationship can be what saves or breaks a friendship and moreso than other relationships you need to be
very aware of yourself and your own needs when it comes to a friends with benefits relationship.
It may seem difficult, but if you can maintain a balance then the Friends with Benefits relationship can be one of the most rewarding relationships you ever have in your life. In the way that people who are married are supposed to be best friends, a friends with benefits relationship capitalizes on that aspect of marriage without dictating mutual sexual exclusivity. Friends with benefits are free to see other people, date other people and fall in love with other people without any hard feelings or lingering bitterness between them.
Through friends with benefits relationships you can sometimes find best friends and your most fondly remembered lovers. If you are uninterested in a relationship, but wanting something fulfilling and meaningful we would definitely recommend giving friends with benefits a try.
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